Held Between My Hearts

Characters: Dr. Mira Trassano

Mira wandered down the corridor of the Whitestar 21. She wasn’t paying much attention. She was too busy feeling sick to her stomach as well as her hearts. I’ve never known so many to die at once, she thought. I don’t understand how any sane creature could deliberately bring this about. I never guessed there were other Cartagia’s out there. Mira turned a corner and ended up in front of her temporary quarters. She shared with one of the Minbari nurses, but they had opposite shifts, so the quarters were empty. Not that the shifts anybody was working could, in all honesty, be called “shifts”. A more accurate name would be, “waking hours” as opposed to the five or six hours spent grabbing some sleep and food.


 

Pulling the blankets and pillows off her borrowed cot, Mira curled up in a nest in the corner and started crying. I wish I had some brevari. Gods! I would even drink that worm piss that the humans drink if I had some. I’m tired of people dying around me! I’m tired of getting to a patient only to find a horrible mangled mess! A small timid part of her mind whimpered softly, I want to go home. The strange thing was, when she thought of home, it wasn’t Homeworld any more. “Home” brought up images of her calm, peaceful quarters and the clean, ordered MedLab on the ‘Phoenix. When she realized what she was actually longing for, Mira sat up straight. Her sobs finally tapered down to hiccups.

Blinking away the sting of salty tears, Mira frowned. Why should the Phoenix matter so much to me? I was on Minbar longer… but it never felt so… comfortable. She rubbed the tears off her cheeks. Though, I had more comforts in my apartment there. Oh, gods, am I losing myself in the midst of all this? She cast a slightly frantic glance around the room. I didn’t bring my travel shrine of Leedl or S’ran-to! What will happen if I die out here! Who will sponsor my funeral! Will the gods be able to find me? She began hyperventilating in the midst of her panic attack and it was more than a few moments before she could get a hold of herself.

Stop! Stop it. Gods, you’re being a fool, Mira. The Centauri woman put her face into her hands and took several deep breaths. Good. You need to do something calming and constructive. Yes, yes, something calming. She scanned the room again, more controlled now. They finally lit upon the wall terminal. I haven’t sent news to my family lately. We haven’t had the power on the Phoenix and then… I just forgot. Gods, how long has it been?

A few moments in front of the mirror restored Mira to a state of presentable-ness. Combing her small knot of hair, she smiled ruefully at her reflection. “You’ll probably have dozens of messages from Homeworld waiting for you back on the repaired Phoenix,” she told herself. “Mother will have been hysterical with worry. Danril will have some choice things to say about that.” Finally, satisfied with her image, Mira settled herself before the camera and instructed the computer.

“Computer. Record outgoing message. Recipient is Nilomm Trassano in Capital City, Centauri Homeworld. From her daughter, Mira.

“Hello, Mother.” Mira smiled, gamely. “I am, as you can see, doing very well. Though I have been busy, I apologize for not sending a message sooner. It was very rude of me. I hope you and the rest of the family can find between your hearts to forgive me. I’m sure you’ve heard some perfectly horrible rumors.” She laughed. “I know, I’ve certainly heard some!

“My ship did receive some serious damage on our last mission. But, none of it came close to endangering me,” she lied. For a moment, Mira felt a bit guilty about that lie, but only for a moment. “MedLab is one of the safest places in any ship. You truly have little cause to worry for me. I’m currently posted on another ship while the Phoenix is repaired. I would have taken a leave of absence, but we have been terribly underhanded in Medical Staff.” Mira shifted uncomfortably. “And, well, I couldn’t say no. I know. I Know. You lectured Father about the very same thing. All I can say is, at least I came by it honestly.” She grinned, eyes dancing. “I’m sure that by the time you get this message, you’ll have already heard about the end of the Human’s Civil War. I am of course, fine. I can only hope that no such destruction as this will ever come to Homeworld. But, enough of this morbid stuff.

“How are you all? Has Danril found a wife yet? And Silvom, is he content with the two that he has? Kotimma, have you been teasing interesting tidbits from the lips of your victo–ahem… customers?” Mira laughed brightly. Remembering some of the scandals that her older sister had been involved in long ago. “How are your daughters? My lovely Nieces are laughing and playing with their cousins again? I shall tell you, confidentially, sister, that your daughters are my favorite Nieces.” She winked, “of course, they also happen to be the only ones I have. That’s hint, by the way, dear Brothers! You two should be ashamed of how slow you are in presenting Mother with Grandbabies to dandle. Well, I know I can’t afford to send a message much longer than this. So, I will end it now. I’m sending you all a portion of the pay that the Rangers give to me. I hope it helps in regaining our lost family members. Know that I hold your fond memories between my hearts.” Mira sniffed, tears threatening again. “Computer. End recording. Send this message as soon as allowable.”

Mira sat for a moment and contemplated going to sleep. Unwilling to face her dreams, she rejected that idea for the moment. In the end, she left her temporary quarters in search of food.